Babies, preschooler

Making History in Santa Monica

This past Friday, I made history. I rode the Metro line in Santa Monica on its opening day. I’ve been waiting patiently for it to be built, personally encouraging progress by screaming “train tracks!” every time my parents drove over the train tracks during construction. I would always ask them when we would take the train to downtown LA. We will soon, but Friday we took it two stops to a place with art galleries called Bergamont Station.

It was fun. Everyone should ride trains. Here’s a video about it that I narrated.

Babies

This is What I Like to Do Now

This is Bodhi, writing a blog. I have been away from this for a while, but I’ve been busy working on the events of my third year, and coming up fast on my fourth birthday. These are the things that I like to do now.

I like to kiss and hug mom. I like to play. I like to build. I like to build everything in the whole wide world. Right now I am working on a train for making the Tartar sauce. This morning I made a Tartar sauce making machine. That machine put the Tartar sauce into the pipes and then right into people’s mouths. I like eating Tartar sauce with fish.

I like to play with dogs. I like to play with cats. I like to see pictures on coasters. I like to set out coasters like I’m doing right now, to look at. I like to make a design like I’m doing.

I like orange juice. We will make some fresh-squeezed orange juice today. I am going to make some pictures for this blog now and my daddy is going to scan them in so you can see them.

Below, you will see Fig 1. This is an image of a horse that I did in school.  My teacher, Natalie, drew the grass.

 

Fig. 1 A Horse
Fig. 1 A Horse

This is a picture of a train that I drew with my dad’s help.  I told him that if you take an 8 and turn it on its side, it turns into infinity.  I am interested in numbers.

Fig 2. A train with numbers.
Fig 2. A train with numbers.

 

Babies

Top Four Things to Do on a Hot Day

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1/ When it is hot, try making a lot of noise and crashing things until you get your parents to drive you around in the car. It will settle you down. Remember to bring your dog.

Car Wash

2/ Go to the car wash at some point in the drive.  Every car is different.  It is very noisy.  Noise is good. Try to stay there until they close. But if you can’t, at least get a cold drink out of the deal.

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3/ Go to a store with escalators and ride them up and down, and up and down, and up and down until you are dizzy. Then do it again. The elevator also works, but it’s not as interesting.

4/ I am too hot and tired to discuss number four.  It’s nap time, anyway. Bye.

Babies

Warming Up My Act

Lee Schneider (@docuguy) • Instagram photos and videos 2015-07-26 20-38-52

I have a big gig coming up this week. I am traveling back East to play six days in Rhode Island. It’s a pretty easy crowd, because they think I’m cute, but that doesn’t stop me from working hard on the routine. I like to play small rooms to warm up the set. I will try out jokes at school and on the playground. I’ll test some set ups on the cafe cashier selling me a gelato. If there’s a babysitter around or a friend of my parents visiting, I will run through a few lines. Of course, I work it pretty heavy on the plane out. It’s nearly five hours on the flight, so I can run through the set over and over. By the time the other passengers leave the plane they are crying from laughing so hard at my material, or at least they are crying from the experience of riding on a plane with me.

Here’s some of my best stuff. If you wouldn’t mind memorizing a few of these straight lines and set ups and feeding them to me when you see me, it would be a great help. For those of you keeping track, I go with a non-associative structure to the set. I don’t like to build stand-up set theorems like Jerry Seinfeld. This isn’t math. It’s comedy. It’s more a Henny Youngman or Jackie Mason kind of thing, spritzing as it used to be known in the trade.

What did the train say when it sneezed?

Chugga chugga ach-oo!

What did the cat say when it wanted to leave the room?

Get me meow-outta here.  

What did the dog say about the convertible?

There’s no WOOF! 

What did the mommy cow say to the dawdling baby cow?

Let’s get a mooove on.

What did the polite baby cow say to his mommy cow?

Excuse me, moo.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don’t cry, it’s only a knock knock joke.

What did the duck say after it heard all these jokes?

You really quack me up!

Thank you. You’ve been a great audience.