I Am Gainfully Employed

It started with ma. Then I added mama. Then dada, which I shortened up to da because I am short on time since I have a new job. I have since added duck, hat, ball, bath, hair, cat, kitty, teeth, and bubbles to my vocabulary. You may think that since I speak only a dozen words, I only understand a dozen. Well, that’s flat wrong. I understand everything, sister. (Or brother, depending on who is reading this.)

I am soaking it in like a sponge as I have started punching the old time clock as a block pusher. Yes, I have quit my job as an insomniac. It was just too tiring. I now push a red block around the apartment, as you can see from the video. It was a crowded field of applicants, but because I was able to talk, I aced the interview. I charmed my interlocutors and nabbed the plum job of red block pusher, which pays more than the other colors, simply because I chose the right words. It is good to be part of the block-pushing economy, which is almost as good as the information economy but less pretentious. It’s an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay, and I can learn on the job, as I am listening to everything said all the time.

My parents think if they talk fast I won’t get it. They think if they spell out N-A-P T-I-M-E that is clever enough to work. Gimmie a break. My decoding power is getting better than the NSA’s. Language acquisition is contextual, tactile, like learning a song, everybody knows this. If you don’t know the words you can hum along, and pretty soon you pick up the tune. I have been taking notes on everything they say, and if somebody can tell me what the colloquial phrase “french kissing” means, I will have no gaps in my understanding.

I know I sound a little cocky, but I have also started to walk and this has boosted my confidence a ton, maybe even given me something of a swelled head, like Thomas Friedman. But you know, his editorial about Syria in the Times this weekend was pretty smart. I recommend it as a thoughtful read. When you can stand upright and move about it changes your perspective. You are no longer among the cats, dogs, and monkeys. You feel like a higher form of life, like Mayor Bloomberg or Serena Williams.

By the way, here’s the video of my interview that helped me ace the block-pushing gig.

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