Let me mention that you should never get between me and a sweet potato. My mommy bakes them in the oven for me and they are sublime. The photograph is of me riding in a shopping cart for the first time. We are shopping for sweet potatoes. The experience was sublime. You should try riding around in a shopping cart sometime, pushed through rows and rows of sweet potatoes by your mommy. I can tell you that it is, in a word, sublime.
You’ve heard of the paleo diet? It involves eating just like cave men and cave women ate – foraging for fruits, eating meat off the bone, running from predators, that sort of thing. I do not have predators that I know of, other than the cat, but I enjoy forging for pieces of banana on my food tray, and lustily grabbing handfulls of cut up sweet potato and shoving them in my mouth. When I do this, it helps to say ‘Man eat potato’ in a really deep voice. Kind of like ‘Man make fire’ but more important than that. You can try this sometime with some cut up pieces of banana. Grab a large, squishy mass in your hand, say in a really low voice (for a baby), ‘Man eat banana.’ Then shove everything in there. It is an elemental experience taking you back to the origins of humanity. Or at least, the kind of humanity that eats cut up banana from a tray while wearing a colorful bib.
Now sometimes, food falls out of my mouth and lands on the floor. This is not a problem. I have people who clean up. (My parents.) What’s important is the food that stays in because it is delicious. There is nothing equal to shoving food into your mouth as fast as you can using your hands while wearing a colorful bib.
The other night, in a restaurant, my dad was eating a piece of chicken and gulping down a cocktail called a Sazerac. I must say, he looked ridiculous. I was thinking to myself, if he could have eaten that chicken with his hands it would have gone much faster. Why don’t they put cocktails in sippy cups? It’s too easy to spill otherwise, especially when you are holding a baby who is grabbing for everything on the table. Here’s this guy, my dad, trying to drink a cocktail, and all I wanted to do was throw everything on the floor, and spill some ice water on the people next to us. He’s going to have to learn some restaurant etiquette, beginning with finding the sublime pleasure in shoving food in your mouth with your hands. He can skip the bib if he wants to.