I’ve been so busy posing for pictures that my mom posts to Facebook, not to mention hanging around with my family here on the East Coast, with all the meet and greet I’ve been doing, sightseeing downtown in my baby carrier, and sucking furiously on my grandmother’s hand, I almost forgot to post this account of my first plane trip. Here’s my report.

I thought it would be good to start the day bright and early by spitting up on my dad just as the taxi pulled up to the front door. Keep them on their toes. Remind them they are not hipsters but instead parents of an infant, the people who will be despised by everyone else on the plane.

Well, that’s an exaggeration. I made some noise as everyone was finding their seats, but I don’t think people got into despising anybody. As a matter of fact, there were plenty of seats after I let out a few test shrieks and everybody else asked to get off and said they would take a later flight instead. My dad had to go out into the airport and convince them all to come back, promising that I would be good.

I was pretty good the whole way.

I did some screaming when it was nap time, but I do that anyway. The nice woman seated next to us decided to get up suddenly. I think I heard her in the back pleading with the flight attendant, saying something like ‘Wasn’t that a FedEX plane on the other runway? I could package myself and get to New York that way. Packages are quiet, aren’t they? All the other packages, I mean. We’d all be quiet.’  She sounded desperate, as grownups so often do.

Since this was my first time flying in a plane (not by astral projection, which I do all the time, but that’s another blog) I’d like to offer a few pointers.

  • The view out the window is interesting, but the flashing seatbelt light is really, really fascinating.
  • Like wine, breast milk tastes different at 30,000 feet up.
  • You don’t need a seatbelt, just have your mommy hold you the whole time.
  • If your dad doesn’t realize there is a changing table in the bathroom, you can have a lot of fun dispensing soap with your foot as he crams you on that tiny shelf.
  • If you smile, even the person whose seat back you have been kicking for hours will pretend to like you.
  • When a baby falls asleep with his mouth open, it’s really cute. When an adult does it, not so much.

Anyhoo, gotta run. It was a good trip and I’ve enjoyed my time in New York. It was cold, but it turns out that I like cold weather.

We’re getting ready to fly back to LA and I need my sleep so I can stay awake for the whole five hour plane ride. That way, my dad can save on WiFi. He won’t need to buy it on this trip, because I will be his inflight entertainment.

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