in the job market

Given the state of the economy I don’t think it’s too soon to begin circulating my nearly four-month-old son’s resume.



Objectives: Eating. Keeping people up at night.

Education:  Nearly four months of intently paying attention to everything around me. Advanced degree in being rolled around in a stroller.

Work Experience: I watch the cat as he watches me.

Skills: Can roll over. (Side to back only.) Able to make a funny dolphin squeal. Smiling. Laughing. Kicking legs in bath, with really fun splashing. Sucking up to my mom.

Future Skills: Coding. Teleportation. Spacecraft pilot on Mars. Operator of atom smashing thing nobody has heard of yet. Quantum mechanic. Time travel. Dream weaving device repair. On-air television personality. Social media expert.

Languages: Gibberish. Yowl. Gurgle. (Spoken only.)

Fun Fact About Me: I am named Bodhi after my great bodhi of work, even at this young age.

Another Fun Fact: I grew an inch last month, which means at this rate by the time I am 10 years old, I will be 10 feet tall, and by the time I am 20, I will be 20 feet tall.

Professional Societies: President of the People Who Keep Other People Awake at Night Society. Uterine Society (Chairman Emeritus.)

Contact information: I am not allowed to talk to strangers, so you will need to get in touch with my mommy.

References upon request.